Improve your distress tolerance with this reflection

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Written By: Kelly McKay | MACP

Stress is something we all experience in our lives to some degree. The

ability to tolerate distress is one skill taught in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). We tolerate distress when we are stuck in a situation we either can't change, don't have the skills, power or ability to change, or it's not the right time to make a change. Either way, tolerating the discomfort of sitting in a circumstance we can't change is something we can learn how to do, without burning other aspects of our lives to the ground.

Something you may have experienced is the desire for change to happen right now, immediately in this moment. But wait, other elements are in the way, there are barriers that exist to block you from getting the desired outcome that you want. Feeling stuck can lead us down a path of negative thoughts and painful feelings. You might catch yourself thinking "why is this happening to me? If only I could solve this right now, then I would feel relief". The way we frame sitting in discomfort has the potential to support an optimistic outlook, or conversely, create despair and destructive behaviour.

One piece of the DBT distress tolerance skill I.M.P.R.O.V.E (imagery, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing, vacation and encouragement) challenges us to consider the ways we can shift perspective in a difficult circumstance. The "M" in the I.M.P.R.O.V.E skill stands for meaning. Creating meaning from our current struggle invites us to reflect on our values and purpose in life. While on the surface this may sound like a great way to silver line our experiences, it suggests that we think deeper, more existentially or spiritually to answer this question. An alternative way of phrasing this piece of the skill is to ask ourselves "how can I make lemonade out of the lemons life has just handed me?". Things aren't going your way and it feels emotionally awful, mentally draining and spiritually depleting. You need change now and it simply can't happen.

Certainly, it is worth validating that the suffering and stress you are going through is unpleasant, it may even be life-changing and devastating. This kind of pain is legitimate to acknowledge and hold space for. When you are ready to explore the element of meaning and tolerate the distress of that discomfort, I invite you to consider these reflection questions:

• What is the purpose for my suffering? Are there insights and growth that I have undergone as a result of being in this distressing situation?

• What are the lessons I've learned from this experience, for better or worse?

• What does it mean for me that I have been through this? Can I incorporate my learning into daily life?

• What is one positive that I have experienced from this?

When we can explore the "why" of our pain with reflection around how it brings meaning and purpose can enrich our lives and allow for mental and emotional resiliency. With the meaning aspect of I.M.P.R.O.V.E, we are not dismissing pain or attempting to sweep it under the rug and minimize it. Rather, this skill supports deep reflection and challenges us to find our strength that can come to the surface when we are faced with adversity.

I encourage you to give it a try when you are faced with a stressful situation - find one piece of positive wisdom that can be drawn from the obstacle you face and remind yourself of what this means to you and your unique life journey.

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References:

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.